Sunday, 10 September 2017

Selfish and supportive

Hello again :) 

Is blogging cringe now? Does anyone still do that? I have no idea, but for some reason I decided to post again. 

So much has happened so far this year and I think there's only more to come of big events, although I hope the worst is over (except for upcoming exams, help ><). What I really want this blogpost to be about is being selfish and supportive, to rant/vent and speak my mind about some stuff, because that's why we have blogs right, to say whatever we want about subjects we care or think about a lot. 

A lot of my friends are doing amazing things now, they have moved to study or just to start a new life, they are doing what they want to do with their lives and finding out who they are. Getting an education, work, or the life they always knew they wanted or were supposed to have from the start. 

As a friend it is my job to be supportive and happy on behalf of their success in life and the good things that's waiting for them, but this thing inside of me that's called jealousy and selfishness is just sort of tearing on me and I don't know how to stop it. 

I'm not the main character in the movie about my own life, but simply the sidekick or supportive cast. The one who the main character is best friends with or something along those lines, the one who's always on the side watching the main character get the development they deserve and the life they wanted, all the good things, wishing them well and always cheering for their success. 

In any "skill" I'm simply bad or average, not good or great or talented in any way. There's a saying I'm sure a lot of people have heard that goes "You'll always find someone who's better than you" which is something I view as "what's the point in trying then?". You see, in school or whatever when I would work my butt off for something and only come out as "ok" when it didn't seem like my friends did anything to be the best and get the best grades, I would of course be jealous and feel stupid. I always compare myself to others but in this selfish way of being "I wish I could be better at just this, know something that they don't, something that's gonna get me somewhere, just anything". I always wanted to contribute with something other than knowing absolutely stupid facts like how tall this one celeb is. Whenever I would say to my friends "I wish I was good at something like you" they would always say "But you are" and then not knowing what because they did their duty as friends, trying to make me feel better. 

There are things I like doing but I'm not good at it or... I'm the kind of person who always needs reassurance and praise for the work I do, and when I don't get that, I view it as "I'm not good at this" or "I didn't do a good enough job". The thing is, even when I would get that praise, I don't believe that person because they are friends with me or "supposed" to say that to make me feel better, as in throwing a pity party, that they are not telling me the truth. 

Writing was always something I thought I was good at until I started in year 11 of school. I thought I was ok at art until I started in year 11. I loved acting when I was younger because I loved attention and being on a stage, until I started year 8 and being the loud and outgoing one was not a positive thing anymore. I was selfish and annoying, so I became shy and quiet instead, even though that's not what I actually am inside. 

I know this might be weird now but stay with me, I see it as this little person inside of my head that was my personality when I was younger, who I'm supposed to be and want to be, but that person was once put aside, hidden behind something and can't get out. She got lost somewhere. 

I know I'm selfish. That's fine. I hate being like that but I am. What I really want to be is supportive of my friends who are getting the success they deserve. 

I wanna be there cheering for their success and not being jealous of what they have, but I don't know how and it sucks. I don't wanna be that negative person anymore and instead be a supporter. It makes me hate myself even more when I think about it. Oh well, what can you do? 

Fake it til you make it. 

xoxo Josefine

Monday, 6 March 2017

Being sad is ok


I'm just gonna get straight to the point. Being sad is ok. No matter who you are. 

I just spent 30 min on the phone with my dad since his best friend is about to die (or very close to dying, he is very sick). My dad and his friend are quite old, but the friend is younger than my dad. They have known each other for a very long time. My dad has never been the vulnerable one with anything, he always puts every one before himself and he never talk about his friendship with anyone (i don’t really know how to write this so that it makes sense). But I listened to my dad talking about the first time he met his friend and he can remember the first thing he said to my dad. He talked about how he feels like they are an old married couple, they don’t have to finish the sentences, they know what the other is thinking. “He might be weird and have his moments sometimes, but I do as well, so I guess we’re the same that way” this might not really mean anything to others, but I have never hear my dad talk like this before. 
The point is, I really felt that my dad is sad about this. He never show sadness (not even when my brother died, he had to be the tough one and show that life moves on) and so I think that he has realized that it’s ok to feel sad. Even if you’re a guy, it’s ok to feel vulnerable. When his friend dies, I know my dad will be very very sad and I can’t imagine seeing that, cause it has never happened before. Because my dad is so old, he doesn’t have any family left. Just me, my sister and his granddaughter. So I think that his friend was the closest he could call family without it actually being by blood.  

xoxo Josefine 

Friday, 7 October 2016

Friends or not?

Hello again!

Long time, no see, I know. Instead of writing a long part about why I haven't been blogging for the past... 9 months? I will just get to the point. 

Sometimes I wonder why my friends still talk to me. Because, to be honest, I'm annoying, bossy and, well, me. 
Sadly, I'm the kind of person who, when with friends, will often talk about stuff that no one else cares about, or stuff that does not have any context to what the others have been talking about. I guess that's because I want attention. I'm not a psycologist or anything, so I can't really tell.

The point is, I'm in a group of friends, but I somehow always feel left out (which is stupid cause I'm not, I think...). In this group of friends, we are just a group of different people who (mostly) have some of the same interests, but once again, I'm the weird and annoying one. Even though that might be the case, I still think that I'm friendly to everyone. Just a common trait that I think everyone should have.

Still, it gets hard when the person you try to be friendly towards won't respond. It makes you question if you did something wrong, especially if this person is someone you have known for a long time. You might wonder "where did I go wrong? Did I say something? Is this person mad at me?" but the situation between you is too awkward to ask out loud.
There is so much more I could say about this, but I won't. 

I just don't know what to do, or if I should even care about this issue anymore.

This blogpost was probably very bad, but I can't really bother to edit it.

xoxo Josey

Sunday, 10 January 2016

My Neverland/Disney/OUAT birthday!

Yes, I know, it's been a long time, no see (again). Since the last time I posted something, it has been Christmas, New Year's eve (happy new year!) and my 18th birthday.
That's right, on Wednesday I tured 18 and this Friday I celebrated the big day with a Neverland/Disney/OUAT themed party.
Everything went really well and people Disneybounded as characters from both Disney movies and Once Upon a Time. (I Disneybounded as Wendy Darling from Peter Pan)
Also, I had the best cake ever thanks to my mom!
To be honest I was kind of proud of the decorations:

And there it is, add a few more cakes and tada, 18th birthday party ready! And I made a playlist for the party as well:
I Wan'na Be Like You- Robbie Williams ft. Olly Murs
Friend Like Me- Ne-Yo
Zero To Hero- Ariana Grande
A Star is Born- From Hercules
Down In New Orleans- Anika Noni Rose
When We're Human- From Princess and the Frog
Black Magic- Little Mix
Where the Devil Don't Go- Elle King
Ex's and Oh's- Elle King
Neverland- Zendaya
Rotten To The Core- Sofia Carson
I Wan'na Be Like You- Fall Out Boy
Rest Your Love- The Vamps
Love Is An Open Door- From Frozen
All Night- R5
Somebody To You- The Vamps ft. Demi Lovato
Touch The Sky- From Brave
Act My Age- One Direction
Second Star To The Right- From Peter Pan
Following The Leader- From Peter Pan
What Made The Red Men Red/Tinknapped- From Peter Pan
And that's about it I guess. I hope to blog more this year, and have more to blog about!
xoxo Josey 

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Hello Autumn/Fall!

It's fall y'all! YAY, my favorite time of the year is here(well, I do like summer...)! I have been so excited for autumn/fall this year, I don't know why. If you follow me on tumblr you would've known that I've been excited... (I have might reblogged a lot of stuff related fall/Autumn the past weeks)
What I like about this season is the fashion, the colors and nature changing(especially the last one). I get to wear knitted sweaters, knee socks, boots and scarfs; and it's not too cold or too hot outside.
An other thing I like about this time of year is the rainy days. I can just snuggle up with a blanket and watch a tv-series, read a book and drink hot drinks. It just makes me really happy!
One more thing, there is a hedgehog living in our garden, and that makes me especially happy!
Since I'm not American or British(or anything like that) I don't know what to call this time of year in English... If I should use the word autumn or fall when I write. Sometimes I write autumn and sometimes I write fall, even though I use American English, I like the word autumn better than fall. Is it ok to write autumn even though I write American English? Or is that like a rule I can't break?
I've gone on way too long than what I thought I would, so I'll just end the blogpost here.
Hope you all have a happy autumn/fall!
xoxo Josey   

Sunday, 16 August 2015

Back To School!

Oh man, this summer has gone by so fast. Seriously, I feel like I sneezed and it was over! How did this happen?! Where did the days go?!
Not that I haven't been ready for school for a few weeks, planning my outfit for the first day. Heck, I've been planning outfits for the whole week! (Is that bad?)
I've been watching youtube videos and I've gotta say Bethany Mota's back to school videos are my favorite. (I need to try the breakfastbars! They look delicious!)
Even though I feel like I have been ready for school for a long time now, it suddenly hit me that school starts tomorrow and I've done nothing yet other than thinking about it... Procrastinating like a pro!
I have set a goal for myself this year(but lets be honest, it's only gonna last for a week), making an effort to look decent and not just dressing in a t-shirt and jeans for the whole year... Am I the only one doing this?
Anyway, leave a comment below and tell me if you have started school yet or when you are starting.
xoxo Josey  

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Rainy days

I know it's been a while since my last blogpost, I wish I could come up with an excuse for why it's been this long, but even if I said it was because I've been learning how to drive or going out of town, it wouldn't really be a good enough excuse for not writing a blogpost.
We haven't been having very nice weather in Norway recently and that means that I get to do my favorite activity, sitting inside all day. Ok, maybe it's not my favorite activity, but it's an excuse to watch movies and drink tea or cocoa even though it's summer.
Right now it feels weird, it does not feel like it's summer at all, but Autumn. It's not sunny or hot outside which makes it quite cold in the house, so I have started wearing sweaters and preparing for Halloween.(Yeah, I'm one of those people...) 
Here are some of my favorite things to do on rainy days:
1. Watch Movies(and if it's something like Back to the Future or anything Melissa McCarthy or Dan Aykroyd is in, even better!)
2. Drinking hot drinks, which I also mentioned earlier in this post.
3. Tumblr scrolling.
4. Watch The Big Bang Theory.
5. Write. 
What are Your favorite Things to do on rainy days? Leave a comment! :)
xoxo Josey